Equity Loan Information - Do people in debt and unable to get PROPER help have just one solution, to kill themselves?

Do people in debt and unable to get PROPER help have just one solution, to kill themselves?

My situation, two overdrafts, four credit cards, 3 maxed out,and the other about 70%. I was clearing them until my wife wanted to put our savings into a deposit for the home. Lovely house, but with her having quit her job to go abroad to live with her folks for a few months, and our second income dried up, I am completely broke. I know topping myself would make it worse for others, but whats the answer - Payplan said the creditors could still go to the courts, so more stress for me so not worth it. I could secure a loan against the house, but my wife would have to know and we would lose what equity we have. You may ask why I don't tell her, well she does'nt appreciate truth so I have to keep this hidden. I am not blaming her for quitting her job and having a holiday, but all the pressure is on me and I cannot cope. Samaritans are well meaning but cannot offer advice, and although I work hard at my job they have not given me a raise for six years yet the job is harder. What to do? The sad thing is that I know my wife cannot handle the truth, about anything. I am not blaming her, that is just the way she is. If she was working, things would be okay. I was paying off my cards just fine using a snowball technique. It was working. But I have supported her business project and we have seen tough times. I don't want bankruptcy or IVA or lose 'equity' in the home. Also while I feel my wife was a tad irresponsible quitting her job for a holiday back home without me having a say in this was bad, these debts are mine alone to sort. I feel bad to be in this situation but I have had illnesses too (cancer this year). So not very able to fight. But I thank you all for the good answers.

Public Comments

shure
its called bankruptcy, file for it it stays on your record for 7 years.
If you're in the U.S., I know you can use consumer credit counseling. I did it. It was hard, but it helped us a lot. They basically put ALL your debt into one bill, they work with your creditors, get your interest rates changed, etc. to help you. It's a non-profit organization, too so it's not like some of the scam type stuff you'll run across. http://www.cccsatl.org/
your big problem is in living the lie.Honesty with your wife should have been your first thought.How do you think she will feel now,a fool for spending etc,while you are broke and her making it worse instead of being able to help support you .Megan M has the right idea,go bankrupt,these people should not allow so much credit to you ,so it,s partly their fault anyway for exploiting your obvious weakness.
go to a finance specialist to get help. Dont hurt yourself. if you cant talk to your wife-you may as well get a divorce-and sell the house
You mention Payplan, so I guess you must be in the UK...? Firstly: It's only money. Secondly: You made a mistake by having savings and debt. You should have used the savings to clear the debts. It's that simple. Thirdly: Become a zero-percent credit card tart. Move it all onto a card that charges zero percent, keep making the minimum repayments, and when that deal expires, move the balance again. I think you need to talk to your wife. A bit unfair of her to leave you holding the fort with only 1 income. When you bought the house there were 2 incomes, right? Get her back home and earning. As for "losing equity" ... That equity is theoretical. A housing crash tomorrow could wipe that. It's not like it's money in your bank... Head down to the Citizens Advice Bureau if it really has got that bad.
You can try praying about it or changing your identity or make the people you owe money too think that you're psychotic so that they'll be afraid of you.
Jono, please go down to your local book store and buy the book called "Financial Freedom" by Dave Ramsey. He and many Americans including myself have faced the same problems you speak of, and you can get out of this vicious cycle. I would also consider checking out https://www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com/index.cfm? This really is a life style altering direction, but this guy has been on Oprah and really gets you motivated to get things fixed. This isn't a quick fix, but you would be surprised where 18 months will put you. I wish you the best of luck! Remember you're not the only one who has faced this struggle, but understand you can get yourself out of this! Hard work, an extra job, selling some things, and spending less than what you make all will help your situation!
i think there is help out there for ppl in ur situation but first if the house is in ur wife's name then ur house is safe try contacting other loan companies and reduce the payments all in one single payment or if u loose ur job i dont think u will need to pay back as u should have ur loans insured incase of loose of job i was in about 24k in debt and i packed my job in and i didn't need to pay back as i dont work I'm unemployed now and they cant touch my money so after 5yrs it clears
I'd go to consumer credit counselling, they will negotiate with your creditors for lower amounts and interest rates, as, the creditors are better off receiving something than nothing, as they would if you filed bankruptcy. I'd consider bankruptcy a last resort, as your credit is shot for seven years, and if you need to finance anything, your interest rates will be ridiculous 20% or more. As to your job, well, if you've not gotten a raise in six years, I'd talk to my boss and find out what can be done. Show what you do that makes you an asset to the company, etc. I'd also be shopping out my resume' or putting in applications, and finding the going rate for what I do at other places. Sometimes it will pay off to go to the boss with a firm offer at another place at a higher rate of pay. If you've been with them six years, and are a good employee, they'll usually try to top the other place's offer to keep you. I don't agree with keeping this from your wife. The vows say "for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer." She needs to cowgirl up and hold up her end of things too, and, I don't think that her screwing off overseas to live with her parents was a good thing at all unless there was a dire situation with one of them deathly ill or something like that. I know if I had something like that going on, and my old man said something about wanting to go overseas a few months and left me holding the bag, I'd go slam off on him! Honey, this situation sucks, and, you need to go on and ask for help. There's no shame in it, as there's been plenty of people who've had to do the same things. Good luck, and God bless you.
You have to tell your wife. Wife is your financial partner and you cannot hide this information from her.
Jono, you don't just need help financially you need it personally. This is a very hard situation to be in and coping with it alone and having to hide things from your wife (I can understand why) adds to it even further. The bottom line is this problem won't get any eaiser or resolved till you share it with those round you. I guess that seems daunting, like your be ashamed and feel like a failure but trust me, you won't be. It will get a lot eaiser and your problems can happen to anyone. Does this asap, you seem like you need the help my friend.
She doesn't appreciate truth? Well I guess nobody would 'appreciate' being told that they're in debt they knew nothing about but surely if she loves you she will be supportive? It's not good for you to keep this all to yourself and pretending nothing is wrong when you're obviously very worried. As others have suggested contact the Citizens Advice - they will be able to give you clear advice about how to go about sorting out your debts. It won't be easy (speaking from personal experience here) but at least it puts you on the right track. xx
please don't try to sort this out alone, you married your wife for richer or poorer, you need to talk to her about this situation, & deal with it together, surely these debt's are not all down to you are they? If you keep your wife in the dark that is likely to anger her even more than the debt's, because she will lose trust in you & may think you have been hiding other things from her, please talk to her she may be able to come up with a good plan of action. Good luck. oh jono all the more reason to talk to your wife, you will only make your health worse if you continue like this.
for christ sake get a grip man....you tell your wife the truth....you get yourself named as a bankrupt....its easily done, and all the dept is gone...life is for living....not worrying and fretting and lying to your loved ones.....good luck x
The first thing you should do is talk to your wife, she needs to know the truth and you should not be suffering the worry alone. There is always a solution and there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Right you know there is a debt problem your main options are if you do not want debt management is either an iva or bankrupcy. Both will protect you from your creditors, both will write some of the debt off. Your property is safe in an iva and you will make managable payments for five years at the end the rest of the debt is paid off, you may have to release some of the equity in year 4. Bankrupcy you will lose your equity, your wifes would be safe. Personally if the mortgage is causing the problem i would get shot and rent at the end of the day you are more important than bricks and mortar. I am not going to go on as there is reams to write. Go to iva.co.uk and go on the forum you will get fantastic support and advice on there about anything to do with debt. You will not be judged, all are in the same position, or have been , you will get all the info you need to make an informed decision as to how to deal with the debt. No more silly talk as you can deal and solve the situation, you just need the right advice on how to deal with it. I feel for you and the stress you are suffering but there will be happier less stressful days ahead, it can be solved. all the best
There are many people in situations similar to yours that get things sorted out. You don't have to feel so desperate even though I know the situation seems the worst at the moment. You can apply for an IVA which will reduce all of your debts significantly, leaving you to pay your mortgage and keep a roof over your heads. Some IVA's reduce debts permanently by 80% Contact either the Citizens Advice Bureau or someone like Debt Free Direct for some detailed advice. They can really help! If you use a debt management company they get paid by the lender, so you won't have to pay out anything else. I wish you all the best - you can get through this.
You need to check this out!!! You can make money fast with it if you put the work in!!!! Much better than the other option you suggest!! One person who started with £40 000 of unsecured debt managed to change his life and get out of debt within a couple of years
http://www.ccjhelp.co.uk/ Plus I think you are suffering from depression - go and tell your doctor what you have just told us - and get help for thr suicidal thoughts - the money is only that - money
I know exactly how you feel. Not so long ago I was suddenly widowed, it was just one of those things but totaly unexpected. At that time I was nearing the end of a 3yr course at university and was getting approximately £400. per month and that was including child tax credit. My husband was unemployed but refused to claim any benefits although he was trying to get his own buissiness running at the time. I had no life insurance on my husband as it was one of the priorities on our list as soon as I graduated and got a job and his buissiness got of the ground. We had no savings at all as we alway's lived on the breadline but somehow just about coped. I was left with 4 children 18yrs 17yrs 13yrs and 12yrs. I had to take a loan from the bank to bury my husband, then my dilemma was do I pay the bills and starve the kids or vicer verser, when I had used everything on the credit card I had to go elsewhere to try and get loans. I had the summer holiday's coming up and x2 uniforms with accessories to buy, as well as all these loans to now pay off. I was getting deeper and deeper, I rang all over the UK to try and get help and advice, but all they kept saying was leave uni and go on benefits. I refused to do this as I was almost at the end of 3yrs and was about to sit my finals. There are all the other things that people never think about too, my son's 18th was coming up and I had to do the best I could for him as he had already lost enough, christmass, clothes etc, I got absolutely no financial help at all. When I got a job, my wages were not my own every bit was on debt, I wanted to take my children on holiday as I thought after what we had been through we all deserved one plus I hadn't had a holiday since being 16, but it was a no no. Due to reasons of health and sanity, I had to recently leave work though I am looking for work now, my debt's are so bad everyone wants to take me to court I have that many ccj's and no one can do anything , I have no colaterol as I rent my home, so the best option for me is to commit suicide , It's the only way to clear my debt's and believe you and me I swear if it wasn't for my children who have already lost their Dad I would do it as it is a noose round my neck and getting tighter, I don't sleep very much anymore for worrying, I am constantly having to hide when the bailiffs knock on the door, what sort bof a life is this? It's just a miserable existance though I try hard not to show others. We never had anything when my husband was alive, but we didn't have debt's and as a family we were close and there was lot's of love, lots of laughing but I don't have much to laugh about anymore, and who cares.